Beauty

I have seen so many articles online about feeling beautiful in your own skin. I have a few things to add.

Imagine if you will, about twenty years ago. A two year old Rebekah. Chunky, curly haired, and almost Blonde. (I know. weird) I was the most girly little girl. Dresses. Princesses and Pink. Jump forward to elementary school. I inherited the nickname "scrawny". I had frizzy GIANT hair, and it is almost black. I still loved the dresses and being girly. I wasn't into the princesses (as much) and I hate the color pink. A lot has changed right?

The picture on the left was 7th grade. The picture on the right was about 4th grade. 

I was bullied. People thought it was funny that I was so thin that I could fit in lockers. I was shoved in mine multiple times. In middle school the cool and convenient thing to do was to "set" your lockers. You would put in your combination and leave it so when you came out of class you could just walk right up and open it. I came out of class and saw my locker open, boys going through it, and all my books, papers, and what ever else I had in there strewn all down the hall. I was told that the local thrift shop had just received donations, so I should probably go find some new clothes. I was called dog breath, goth, scrawny, bones, and anorexic. I was told that I looked like somebody that would come to school and kill everyone. I was handed tweezers in the hall and told to go take care of my eyebrows. Freshman year of high school, I LITERALLY had no friends. I sat at lunch alone while people threw their food at me. 

You can imagine the love I had for school back then. My grades suffered, my self confidence suffered, and in turn I didn't like myself for a very long time. I got my braces off, grew into my body a little more, and learned how to tame the hair I have. I tried SO hard to fit in. I wanted people to think that I was pretty. I wanted to have friends. My little sister happens to have super thick hair like me. She is getting ready to turn 15 and does not care one bit what people think of her. I wish that I could have been more like that. I would constantly try and dress her up, do her hair, and tweeze her eyebrows. One day we were getting ready for school and I was so angry that she kept wearing those pants that were way too short and that stupid little kid t-shirt. Her hair was sticking up in six different directions and I just wanted her to change. I wanted so badly for her to not have to go through the things I did at her age. The difference between us was that she is so much more confident that I could ever be. I was so blinded by my big sister tendency to protect her that I didn't see that she didn't need to be protected. I learned that my little sister was going to school and sticking up for herself and the other kids that were being bullied. Her courage and self confidence made me realize what a beautiful young lady she is inside and out.

After I moved out to Utah, I discovered who Rebekah really is. I am one weird chick. I like Star-Wars, and reading. I am the worst cook ever. I trip over nothing more often than I trip over something. I like trying to dance the weirdest way possible. I like singing really badly in the car. I LOVE wearing high heals. I run like a wounded animal. I really like shooting guns. I like to think i'm witty, but i'm usually not. I dream of being a race car driver. I really like doing manual labor, like building stuff. I wish I had more scars. I want to make a difference in the world someday. I don't have one style. Somedays I dress in my cowboy boots, other days I dress like a hipster. Occasionally I wear sweats... (ok, like a lot) I am not defined by who others think I should be. I am who ever I want to be. 

As a young person I was judged by my appearance as a nerd, someone who didn't know how to dress herself. As an adult I am judged as a goody-two-shoes, a snob, someone who only cares about my looks.

 I will tell you this right now. I know better than anybody not to judge a book by its cover. I have met some of the most fantastic, influential, kind-hearted people in all shapes and sizes. 

Show the world who you really are. No matter how strange you think that is. That's what makes us interesting. 

"There is no exquisite beauty, without some strangeness in the proportion"

-Edgar Allan Poe

Until next time..